My questions, and you can keep the answers to yourself or share them below, are these:
Are you deeply happy?
Which parts of your day enflesh the joy that you wish for yourself? Which parts don't?
I look at my day--just today--and I see a lot. Let's take the morning, my daughter calls out to me first thing in the morning, and she's the reason I get up. Today I would have liked staying in bed longer, but in the grand scheme of things, I'd rather have my two-year old daughter calling "Mommy!" than return to my childless way of life. Mommying is a deep, heartful joy for me.
Then there's heading to the kitchen to fix a sippy cup of milk for her and start the coffee for Hubby. I'm not drinking coffee for the next eight months (at least)--being preggo necessitates abstinence from caffeine--so this is simply an act I do for him. I don't get a drop of caffeinated endorphins out of it. But the routine of making something that will relieve and delight my Hubby? Can I tell you how priceless that is, to be able to identify one of the rare things that my partner really wants, and then be able to offer it to him, especially when he knows I'm not getting any of the usual benefit from it? It's a real gift, and I get to give him that gift every day if I want. I love that. I love the simplicity of it. I love the economy of it. It's a perfect morning deed, indeed.
At some point in the day I write. Not just in my blogs, but in secret--without making a fuss about it on the social networks or too my Hubby, I work on one of my three major writing projects almost every day. No one hounds or tracks or edits me as I go along. It is a like fulfilling the biblical exhortation to pray in secret. Because it is known only to me and my muse, it is holy work. When I write in secret, I am fully alive, fully awake, fully engaged. My thirst for calm and joy is quenched in those sacred minutes, and I find that I can go for great periods without thirsting again.
But there's a flipside to seeking joy through doing. Sometimes I'll face the realization that I've taken on too much and that I'm about to fail or otherwise disappoint someone. My world shatters in these moments, and I feel quite helpless. It's hard to fix the disasters associated with overenthusiasm. In the end I usually settle for disappointing someone and reminding myself that I deserve better than to face the depression of overcommitment.
This is a day, despite physical sickness and bla, that has been joyful for me. Joyful because I am on the track I want to be on. I am doing what I want to be doing, without doing so much that I'm desperate for time and rest.
What sorts of happy have you been making this week?