Okay, God, I get it. My life is going back and forth between awesome and terrible because I'm supposed to be learning something useful, right? The drama is part of the plan, yes?
I'm really done, though. Like, I don't need any more mega-happy things, and I don't want any more mega-sad/frustrating/terrifying things--just middle-of-the-road ordinary would be great. So maybe the lesson is that the uneventful life isn't such a bad thing. Is that it? Or maybe as a Benedictine I'm supposed to approach all these storms and brilliant rainbows with a certain degree of detachment because you're the center of the universe, not me? Like... (oh, what is that psalm we were just praying...) psalm 136? O give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures for ever. O give thanks to the God of gods, for his steadfast love endures for ever. O give thanks to the Lord of lords, for his steadfast love endures for ever; who alone does great wonders, for his steadfast love endures for ever; who by understanding made the heavens, for his steadfast love endures for ever; who spread out the earth on the waters, for his steadfast love endures for ever; who made the great lights, for his steadfast love endures for ever; the sun to rule over the day, for his steadfast love endures for ever; the moon and stars to rule over the night, for his steadfast love endures for ever; who struck Egypt through their firstborn, for his steadfast love endures for ever; and brought Israel out from among them, for his steadfast love endures for ever; with a strong hand and an outstretched arm, for his steadfast love endures for ever; who divided the Red Sea in two, for his steadfast love endures for ever; and made Israel pass through the midst of it, for his steadfast love endures for ever; but overthrew Pharaoh and his army in the Red Sea, for his steadfast love endures for ever; who led his people through the wilderness, for his steadfast love endures for ever; who struck down great kings, for his steadfast love endures for ever; and killed famous kings, for his steadfast love endures for ever; Sihon, king of the Amorites, for his steadfast love endures for ever; and Og, king of Bashan, for his steadfast love endures for ever; and gave their land as a heritage, for his steadfast love endures for ever; a heritage to his servant Israel, for his steadfast love endures for ever. It is he who remembered us in our low estate, for his steadfast love endures for ever; and rescued us from our foes, for his steadfast love endures for ever; who gives food to all flesh, for his steadfast love endures for ever. O give thanks to the God of heaven, for his steadfast love endures for ever. Okay, so I should approach all these things not with detachment, but thanks. Steadfast thanks for your steadfast love. Okay. Okay. I'll start again, this time with psalm 138. I will give thanks to you, O Lord, with my whole heart... When I called, you answered me; you increased my strength within me... Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you keep me safe... The Lord will make good his purpose for me; O lord, your love endures forever; do not abandon the work of your hands. (Wait, did you hear that last line, God? Because this relationship thing is a two-way street. I'll give thanks, but I'm not afraid to importune you. Loudly. Just so's you know. Because hiding behind pretense just ain't part of the deal. K. Glad we're clear on that.) Thanks, God. (Wait--are you laughing at me?) ((Okay, God, my bad. I'm over myself. Thanks for the nudge. Love you.))
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