Sometimes I look in the mirror and all I can say is, "Kate, you've failed. Again." This has been happening more often than not lately, and it's really getting me down.
Failure is one of those items that I find hard to bear. It goes against my impulse to be successful, to look good in the eyes of my friends, my family, and my colleagues. And maybe this is why I continue to be Christian. Jesus, the man who's supposed to be the Messiah, failed, too. He died a horrific death instead of completing the establishment of a new reign, and his followers had to make up excuses about why. He became the sacrificial lamb, they reasoned. It must have been God's will, they claimed. What do I do when I fail? Figure out where to lay blame. Explain it away. The same exact thing. But maybe I fail because I just haven't done enough, I haven't put in enough effort, I haven't been smart enough or quick enough or clever enough. Every pore of my being screams out that this cannot be, but it is. And Lent is one of the few times when not doing enough is enough. Jesus dying on the cross is enough. And when failure occurs, that is the moment when room is made for something greater, more powerful, and more enduring than what was. If I deny my failure, how can that failure be resurrected? Ponder that; share your thoughts.
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